What I Could Have Lost
by nalunatics
Summary: A commission on tumblr :) Natsu thinks back on the most important highlights of his and Lucy's relationship as she's on the brink of death.


"Damn it!" Natsu scored the ground with his fist in anger. Fighting enemies never really gave Natsu too much of a problem, but the creature that they were fighting, that was terrorizing a nearby town, was a big brute. The thing had already caused so much damage and Natsu was afraid that it was going to hurt Lucy and Happy more. On top of that, they were near a rather ugly cliff and were edging closer to it by the minute. Just as the monster was gearing up for another attack, Natsu sprang forward, seeing a weak point just under its arm.

"Natsu!" Lucy gasped, winded from the battle, but okay for the time being. Natsu needed to finish the battle fast or they weren't going to make it much longer. He hurled a fire-dragon's-iron-fist, surprising the creature, but it turned at the last second, its own attack colliding with Natsu's. An explosion of fire, dirt, and rubble sprayed across all around them, and Natsu found himself choking on kicked up dust. Suddenly, a horrible rumbling sounded and the tall walls of stone began crumbling around them; the attack had caused a major landslide putting them all in even more danger.

"Lucy!" Natsu whipped around just before everything came tumbling down; the last thing he was able to make out in the dust was Lucy's look of pure terror before slipping down into the earth below her.

"Natsu! Natsu! Wake up! Get up!" Happy's shrill cries finally awoke Natsu from his unconscious state, a hefty groan escaping his throat. He felt broken and battered. Everything hurt and his throat felt raw from inhaling the fine dust that had plumed into the air. "Oh, thank goodness you're finally awake!" Happy's sigh of relief only lasted for a moment, his next words chilled Natsu to the bone. "I can't find Lucy!" Natsu bolted upright and found himself on a higher ledge, he assumed Happy had brought him up there to remove him from the wake of the destruction. Flashes of Lucy's terrified face as she was swallowed up by the crumbling ground due to the landslide burned into his brain.

"We have to find her!" Natsu snarled and began to stand up, only to falter a bit having injured his leg. "Damn!"

"Here, let me help you." Happy scooped Natsu up, "It's easier if we look from the air anyways." The body of the creature lie motionless on top of the large pile of earth; the worst case scenario played out in Natsu's mind- Lucy had been crushed by the massive pile of debris. The image of her mangled and bloody body plagued his mind and he had to swallow back the dread that was creeping up, choking him.

"This doesn't look good, buddy." Natsu croaked out and Happy stayed silent, but Natsu was almost sure that the Exceed was shaking. Natsu inhaled deeply, trying to catch scent of Lucy's floral aroma, but it was no use, all he could smell was the deep earthy smell of churned dirt. His eyes scanned the wreckage, looking for any sign of Lucy, any flash of her brilliant golden blonde hair, but it was to no avail. The sinking, heavy feeling of dread set in in Natsu's stomach and he felt sick at the thought that he had not protected it. It was _his_ job that he wanted to go on and it was his own sworn duty to protect Lucy from any danger that they were in. He had failed her and it was all his fault. He should have known that fighting next to a cliff alone was too dangerous, but not only that, they were fighting in a really risky area. They had drawn the monster away from the town, but he had put them all at risk by making them go into the stony passage. The rocks were brittle and unstable, no one used this area because of the drop off cliff, and yet that's exactly where Natsu had lead them all. He had thought that it would be a good area, the creature could lose its footing, they could defeat it with just a push over the edge, but it had proved to be much stronger and smarter than he had anticipated. They all had gotten a beating, even Natsu could admit that he had struggled a bit with the beast. It was making him sick just thinking about the situation he put Lucy in, Happy as well, and now she was lost under a pile of ledge.

"LUCY!" Natsu bellowed out, his voice echoing off of the rest of the rock walls; it was eerily silent, not even a bird cawed nearby. Natsu felt as though the area was in mourning, everything was so still and quiet.

"Lucy, can you hear us?" Happy called out, his voice quaking. He was glad that Happy hadn't gotten caught up in the mess as well, but there was no time for relief. Natsu tried his hardest to pick up her scent anywhere, see anything, but the landslide had delivered such a large mess that it was nearly impossible to sift through everything.

"Happy, let's land and start digging." Natsu advised and Happy obliged. They landed close to the bottom of the ledge where Natsu had last seen Lucy fall. He tore at the rocks in desperation, pulling large chunks out of the way. He silently cursed himself for not having more strength to get through it all faster; he was quickly feeling the rest of his energy being sapped away. "Damn it!" Natsu wailed, slamming a fist down on one of the rocks nearby. "She trusted me! To keep her safe!"

"Natsu… It's not your fault." Happy murmured as he sifted through as much wreckage as he could lift.

"It's my job to keep you and her safe when we go on jobs and I wanted to take this damn thing! It was _me_ who was fighting the stupid thing in the last few moments, I should have known that this would happen!" Natsu felt hot tears pricking his eyes as he began tearing at the rocks once more. He dug and dug, pulling any debris that was in front of him, until Happy finally came over and attempted to forcefully stop him.

"Natsu! Enough, take a break! Your hands…!" Happy gasped and Natsu looked down at his fingertips, bloodied and cracked from the roughness of the stone.

"I don't care." Natsu choked back tears as he pitifully moved aside more rubble. "Sh-she can't be gone, can she, Happy?" Happy shook his head, tears streaming down the fur on his face as he shook his head in disbelief. "She's so precious…" Natsu watched as the heavy tears fell from his eyes and wet the dusty stone beneath him. He knelt there, crumpling into the earth where he wished it had been him that had gone over the cliff. He cursed himself for even taking the job and cursed himself for bring Happy and Lucy out to the town. His mind recollected the conversation that they had had on their way to the job.

" _Natsu, please don't burn down any buildings this time… My rent is due and I could really use this award money!" Lucy fretted and Natsu grinned at her._

" _That doesn't sound like me. When have I burnt down anything?" Natsu teased and Lucy shot a halfhearted glare in his direction._

" _Natsu, you just caught the side of the guild on fire last week!" Happy protested and Natsu scowled over at him._

" _And we both agreed that I was definitely not at the guild that day and that we wouldn't speak of it!" Natsu hissed through gritted teeth and Lucy let out a giggle, laughing at his expense. His attention was brought to her, peals of laughter slipping from her lips, the sun shining on her hair as it filtered through the trees making look as if it were spun from gold; she was truly a sight to behold._

"Ugh, shit…" Natsu sniveled, the memory seeming to cause him searing pain. His heart clenched at the thought of having lost something so precious to him, ripped from him. The look she had as she fell kept replaying behind his eyelids every time he closed his eyes.

"I'm going to go see if I can get some help! Are you going to be okay down here?" Happy suddenly perked up, remembering that the town was nearby.

"Yeah, I'm going to keep looking." Natsu murmured and Happy began to fly back over the collapsed cliff. "Be careful!" Natsu warned and Happy nodded somberly. After a few moments of silently sitting on the slab he was on, he stood and limped over to another section to search there, but something deep in him was telling him that she was already gone, swept away with his mistakes. Natsu felt like a zombie shifting through the rubble, he had gone completely numb to the task. He idly wished that he had the help of Virgo, she was good at things like this, but that would require having Lucy. Without Lucy… There were no spirits, and without Lucy, Natsu's spirit was beginning to fade as well. He felt cold, which usually didn't happen with his abnormally high body temperature, but the cold spread out from his chest and was slowly leaking through the rest of his body. It was a sickening feeling, it glazed his eyes over and made his movements rigid and slow. Each second that ticked by was like agony, slowly ripping at his existence. Natsu contemplated if he really had an existence if the very thing that was holding his together was gone. Lucy was the light in his life and Natsu could see the darkness that would be replacing it. If Lucy was gone there would be no apartment to break into, there would be no food to lightheartedly steal, there would be no Lucy Kick. There wouldn't be any game nights on her living room floor and no sleepy morning breakfasts when he stayed the night without her permission. There would be no scolding for him being sloppy or him burning something else down and there would be no relaxed days at the guild when they decided to take a break. He wouldn't have anyone to tease, he wouldn't have her to go on jobs, and he wouldn't have his best friend. There would be no passing glances, there would be no laughs shared, and there would be no personal moments. He wouldn't get to touch her skin, run his fingers through her hair or inhale her sweet scent. He would miss the early morning hours, her curled up in her bed, and him slipping silently in next to her so he could just be near her, listening to her breathing. He'd watch her sleep, watch her chest rise and fall with rhythmic waves, and he'd see how peaceful she was. That's how he wanted to remember her, but all that he saw was her horrified face as she tumbled over the cliff.

"Shit…" Natsu swore, tears wetting his cheeks as he crumpled in place, his chest feeling as though it were being squeezed by a giant. When he finally cracked his eyes open, he could have sworn he saw a weak, pulsing light. His head snapped to the right in search of the light; he scurried over to a nearby pile of stone, and peered down into the cracks. The light pulsed again, only this time it was stronger, brighter. Natsu frantically began tearing away at the rocks, pushing aside everything, the strength returning to his body for a few moments, adrenaline coursing through him. As he dug he began to see the makings of a grandfather clock and excitement pulsed through him. He ripped up the rubble and finally revealed Horologium with Lucy curled up, though bruised and dusty, alive inside.

"Lucy! Lucy!" Natsu cried out as he hauled Horologium's body from the wreckage.

"Ugh… Groans the young lady as she awakes from unconsciousness." Horologium relayed as Lucy's eyes began to flutter open. Natsu couldn't stop smiling; he was sure he looked deranged with tears gushing down his face and a wide grin on his lips. "Look away! She cries as she covers herself with her hands."

"Huh?" Natsu huffed out, only just realizing that Lucy was adorned in nothing but her birthday suit.

"I had to move quickly and was only able to encase her body, not her clothes." Horologium explained. "That seems to happen quiet often, doesn't it?! The lady yells as she bangs on my insides. I will leave her in your care, I'm glad to have been of service." And with that, Horologium poofed away back into the spirit world, leaving a very bare Lucy on a large slab of rock.

"Ya jerk! Where are my clothes!" Lucy screaming into the air and Natsu felt such an overwhelming sense of joy that he, without thinking, scooped Lucy up into a tight hug. "N-Natsu! I-I don't have anything on!" Natsu quickly pulled back and yanked off his long vest and wrapped it around her, securing it with his belt.

"I'm so sorry, Luce…" Natsu apologized, his eyes swimming with tears that didn't seem to have a stop to them.

"Natsu… Are you okay?" Lucy asked, concern laden in her voice. Natsu grasped her shoulders as if to make sure that she was real.

"I thought you _died._ " Natsu breathed out, his voice shaky. All of the pain he had felt before seemed to vanish at the sight of Lucy. Her long blonde hair was a bit disheveled and she had a few scratches and dirt marks on her, but she was _okay_. "It's all my fault. I should have protected you better." Natsu shook his head, frowning at the ground.

"It's not your fault, these things happen on jobs. I'm used to it." She smiled at him, but the reassurance did little for Natsu, the terror that he had felt was very real. Natsu drew a hand up and palmed her cheek, rubbing his thumb over her skin before drawing her in for a hug once more. He buried his nose in her hair and breathed in deeply, his brain storing away her scent. She smelled of dirt and dust, but beyond that was her familiar sweet smell, something close to peaches and vanilla. He was addicted to it. Lucy instinctively wrapped her arms around his torso in comfort, and the two sat there for a moment just embraced in each other.

"I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know what I would have done without you." Natsu murmured and Lucy gently pushed back away from him so that she could look at him. Her brown eyes searched his, her brow creased ever so slightly in thought. "I _need_ to protect you."

"And you do." Lucy stated firmly and Natsu shook his head.

"You could have died."

"But I didn't." Lucy smiled at him and sat up taller. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

"I don't ever want to get rid of you," Natsu replied seriously and Lucy's playful smile faltered a bit. "You're everything to me, Luce."

"N-Natsu…"

"If I had lost you, it would have been like the light in the world was sucked away." Natsu found himself saying and then mentally cursed himself for sounding so cheesy. "Er, what I mean is, you're really important to me. There're a lot more adventures for us to go on, so I need to protect ya so we can do all of that." Natsu shot her a grin and Lucy's eyes glistened with fresh tears, her cheeks dusted a rosy pink.

"Oh, Natsu…" Lucy looked at him softly, her lip trembling slightly. She stared at him for a moment, a few stray tears rolling down her cheeks before she leaned in and tentatively placed a light kiss on his lips. "Thank you." Natsu was taken aback and he, without thinking, brought his fingers to his lips as if he could touch the kiss itself. "I don't know what I'd do without you either. Who else would break into my apartment, through the window nonetheless!" Natsu couldn't help himself, his brought her close to him and in one swift movement, kissed her hard this time as if he could press the love he had for her into her. A small, surprised squeak escaped her throat, but she quickly relaxed and melted into the moment. The broke apart at the sound of a commotion above them, Happy in the lead of some townspeople.

"I brought hel- Hey! LUCY!" Happy cried and cheered from the ridge. "You're okay! And you're making out with Natsu?"

"Happy!" Natsu growled up at him, but Lucy giggled.

"Thank you for saving me," Lucy whispered, placing a kiss on his cheek making Natsu's face heat up. Happy swooped down and managed to carry them to safety, but not without complaining about Lucy's weight and how she was making the trip _so_ much harder. The two bickered back and force for a few moments, but Natsu just felt utter joy that he was able to hear Lucy's voice again. The townspeople apologized profusely for the trouble that was caused and ended up paying them double what the award amount was. Lucy insisted it was unnecessary and Natsu fought back the urge to argue that Lucy's life was priceless and they'd be forever in their debt, but he knew it wasn't their fault. Upon landing on solid ground, Natsu swept Lucy up off her feet, even though his own leg was screaming at him to stay off of it; he was sure that he had at least sprained or fractured something.

"N-Natsu!" Lucy protested slightly and Natsu just chuckled, tucking her closer to his chest so that he was able to shove his nose into her hair once more.

"No complaints on the Natsu Express, please." He teased and Lucy snorted, but stopped fidgeting.

"I don't want to get down anyway." Lucy smirked and ran her fingers down his jawline making him shiver.

"Hey, can you two stop being gross, I'm still here!" Happy complained and Natsu chuckled while Lucy shot him a playful glare.

"No dice, buddy." Natsu squeezed Lucy tightly as if to punctuate his words. "Love her too much." Natsu froze and Lucy went rigid for a moment.

"Ooh! You _love_ her!" Happy giggled madly and Natsu felt as though he were actually on fire, hot raging fire.

"Y-you love me?" Lucy breathed out and Natsu swallowed hard. There was no point in denying it, he had come far too close to losing her to dance around feelings.

"Yes." Natsu replied quietly, his usual boisterous attitude was replaced by quiet shyness. Lucy seemed to contemplate his answer for a few moments, her eyes wide and searching his face once more. Just before Natsu could regret vocalizing his inner most feeling, a wide smile broke out on Lucy's face and she cupped his cheek in her palm.

"I didn't think you'd be the first one to say it," She teased, her eyes sparkling with happiness. "I love you too, Natsu." Natsu grinned down at her and placed a small kiss on her forehead, making her giggle.

"I'm really happy for you guys, but now you're being as bad as Alzack and Bisca!" Happy grumbled, though a smirk played on his face.

"Alright, I'll tell you that the next time you're mooning over Carla, buddy!" Natsu teased and Happy whipped around in shock and embarrassment causing Lucy to laugh loudly. Natsu couldn't put into words how happy he was to have more days like this, more playful teasing, more closeness. He hadn't lost the light in his life, but the closeness of it almost happening seemed to widen Natsu's view on things. He would protect her with every fiber of his being; she was what he was going to live for, there was no doubt about it. He wanted to share everything with her- Sunday morning pancakes, hearing Lucy complain about the amount that Natsu would eat, but stare at him adoringly as he sat across from her. And he would have more moments of watching her as she slept, inhaling her scent from the pillowcases and the sheets, her soft murmuring in her sleep when she'd roll over and toss an arm over him. They'd have the closeness of intimacy, private moments that only they would share. Natsu gazed down at her as they walked the path on their journey home, and he was struck. Struck by her beauty, the way her eyelashes curled and how her full lips were pulled into a smile, gazing affectionately up at him. She was truly the light that had be placed in his life; there was nothing more beautiful and breathtaking than her. She was like a sun that he would gladly stare at and he would go blind if that meant loving and protecting her.

"I love you, Natsu." Lucy repeated, caressing his jaw and running her thumb over his lips and her fingers ran through his hair. "I love you."


End file.
